Trader Joe’s Pizza Parlanno Review

In a world where dinner decisions can trigger family civil wars and delivery apps drain your bank account faster than a teenager with your credit card, the Trader Joe’s Pizza Parlanno stands as a beacon of hope in the freezer aisle. Is it gourmet Italian cuisine that would make your nonna weep tears of joy? No. Is it a $5.49 miracle that will prevent your children from dramatically collapsing on the kitchen floor claiming imminent starvation while you frantically search for something, ANYTHING, to feed them? Absolutely yes. Join me as I dive fork-first into this loaded frozen pizza that’s been keeping families sane for 15 years and counting.

I’ve been super interested in pizza making for many years and I usually make my own dough from scratch and bake it in my oven on a granite pizza stone. I have dreams of building a wood fired pizza oven in the back yard but I really need to get off my butt and do it some summer. I have used Trader Joe’s fresh dough many times and I’ll write a review on that in the future, but in short, I like them and they make great pizzas, but there are some tricks to working with their fresh dough. 

Preparation Tips for the Mom Who Just Can’t Even Today

Trader Joe’s recommends baking this pizza at 450°F for 10-12 minutes directly on the oven rack without a pizza stone or sheet pan. But let’s be honest, when you’ve got kids screaming “I’M STARVING” for the 47th time in the last hour, those 12 minutes feel like an eternity.

In my experience, 12 minutes wasn’t quite enough to fully heat the ingredients in the middle, so I found that extending the cooking time by an additional 2 minutes (14 minutes total) produced better results. That’s exactly 14 minutes you can use to hide in the pantry, scrolling through your phone while stress-eating chocolate chips straight from the bag. We’ve all been there.

Aroma & Flavor Experience

The moment the Pizza Parlanno came out of the oven, it released a distinctive and enticing melange of aromas – the spicy pepperoni, the fennel notes from the Italian sausage, and the sweet roasted peppers and onions all mingling together. This wonderful smell alone was enough to trigger nostalgic memories of the Celeste Deluxe pizzas from years ago.

After carefully extracting the pizza with tongs and transferring it to a cutting board, I used my pizza wheel to slice it into eight pieces. The first thing you’ll notice is the crust, it’s decidedly crunchy and thin, more of a tavern-style pizza than the fluffy Neapolitan-style that’s currently trendy. But don’t let that deter you, this style has its own charm and provides the perfect vehicle for the generous toppings.

And generous they are! The very first bite delivered a perfect combination of pepperoni, sausage, and vegetables. What impresses me most is the balance of ingredients – you get a bit of everything in almost every bite. The distribution of toppings is remarkably consistent across the entire pizza. In a market now flooded with countless frozen pizza options, this offering from Trader Joe’s captures that classic “loaded” pizza experience that was once harder to find.

What makes this pizza stand out is its generous array of toppings – the combination of Italian sausage crumbles, uncured pepperoni, and the trio of colorful roasted bell peppers and onions creates that perfect “deluxe” style pizza experience. The three-cheese blend of mozzarella, Parmesan, and Romano adds depth to the flavor profile that elevates it beyond basic frozen pizza offerings, though I will note the cheese layer is a bit on the thin side. If you’re a true cheese lover, you might want to sprinkle a bit more on before baking.

The stone-baked wheat flour crust imported from Italy provides a nice foundation, becoming appropriately crispy with the extended baking time. The tomato sauce offers a good balance of zestiness without overwhelming the other flavors.

Trader’s is obviously trying to compete with the Celeste and Red Baron’s of the frozen pizza world with this pizza and I think they do a great job (for frozen pizza). This is the kitchen sink pizza. It’s got pepperoni and sausage. Onions, Red and yellow bell peppers. It’s all on a thin, cracker like crust that has a really nice crunch when you bite into it. There is a fair amount of sauce and cheese and it all seems to work together. They are pretty simple to make, pull them out of box and put them right on the wire rack in the oven. That makes sure the crust is very crunchy. Something I don’t strive for in my own pizzas, but from store bought it ain’t half bad.

Value Comparison

(or “How to Feed Your Family Without Selling a Kidney”)

Like many Trader Joe’s products, the Pizza Parlanno offers impressive quality for its price point compared to other premium frozen pizzas. At just $5.49, it’s a legitimate bargain in today’s inflationary food market. When the alternative is spending $30+ on delivery pizza that your kids will definitely declare “gross” after exactly one bite, this affordable option suddenly looks like financial genius.

At a whopping 1320 calories per pizza, this thing packs enough energy to fuel even the most starving college student pulling an all-nighter. (Oh, how I wish Trader Joe’s had been around during my college days – would have saved me from countless questionable dining hall meals!)

For those seeking a nostalgia-inducing, topping-heavy pizza experience that costs less than your monthly streaming subscriptions, this long-standing TJ’s favorite delivers on its 15-year reputation. Plus, you can smugly tell yourself that those roasted vegetables technically count as a serving of veggies. Parenting win!

Recommendation for the Mom Hall of Fame

The Pizza Parlanno is particularly recommended for busy parents whose culinary ambitions have been crushed under the weight of soccer practice, homework battles, and the eternal “what’s for dinner?” question that somehow needs answering EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

The additional 2 minutes of baking time beyond the package instructions makes a significant difference in the final quality, ensuring everything is properly heated through to the middle. And yes, that extra 2 minutes is just enough time to gulp down the rest of your cold coffee from this morning.

For the mom who swore she’d never serve frozen pizza and now has an entire freezer shelf dedicated to emergency dinner options, this Trader Joe’s offering successfully captures that “I totally made this from scratch” vibe without the actual effort. Keep a few of these in your freezer for those nights when your meal planning consists of desperately searching “can humans survive on goldfish crackers alone?”

I really like this Pizza Parlanno and rate it 8 out of ten Stars!